Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Friendship and Thanksgiving

As Thanksgiving is upon us, I started thinking of all the "stress" and family turmoil this causes. There is a great book that deals with this titled, Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts that goes into the many instances that case this dissonance in a family, and how this leads to hurtful acts and grudges. The thing I liked most about the book is that it also gives some was on how to "get over" these hurts, false believes, and bad feelings and to stop thinking we are so superior.  

Of course, part of being thankful is the feeling of gratitude, and part of being grateful is the ability to be an great friend and extending friendship.  The story below tells a poem of friendship and thanksgiving that is as timeless as it is beautiful.  I hope you enjoy it and give thanks always.
And a youth said, Speak to us of Friendship.
And he answered, saying: Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the “nay” in your own mind, nor do you withhold the “ay.”
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
for that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know of its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and the sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Kahlil Gibran, from The Prophet

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

18 Laws Of Life (Sort Of)

As we move through life on this great big blue marble, we are often reminded of some immutable laws that we see all the time, but never really think about until we are “in it.” While they may not be the 1st or 2nd Laws of Thermodynamics, they seem to have some bearing on how life unfolds.  Hopefully this list will help you realize them when they happen to you.
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1. Law of Mechanical Repair- 
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Access Gravity - 
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3. Law of Visibility - 
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - 
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal or voice mail; someone always answers.

5. Variation Law - 
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6. Law of the Bath - 
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone or door bell will ring.

7. Law of Close Encounters - 
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8. Law of the Ghosts in the Machine - 
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

9. Law of Biomechanics - 
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the difficulty in reaching it.

10. Law of Seating- 
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance.

11. The Coffee Law - 
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12. Murphy's Law of Lockers - 

If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13. Law of Physical Surfaces - 
The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14. Law of Logical Argument - 
Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

15. Law of Physical Appearance - 
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

16. Law of Public Speaking - 
A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET! The contrary applies here.

17. Law of Product Affinity - 
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

18. Doctors' Law - 
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick for days.

Monday, November 2, 2015

Don't be a Diva

Divas act like divas because they have tricked themselves into believing that they are not getting what they are entitled to, and, perversely, that they are not worth what they are getting. Why?

When a diva receives something they feel entitled to, something expected, a thing they believe they have earned, it is not worth much (like candy on Halloween). And when they do not receive it, they are furious.  Furious in a way that is both irrational and unfounded.

Worthiness, on the other hand, is an essential part of receiving anything. (think of the difference of a participation award versus actually winning something, say the World Series). When you have worked hard to achieve a goal, you know the value of the toil, not so much from the success, but from the many failures that lead to the success.

When a diva feels unworthy, or insecure, any kind response, positive feedback or reward feels like a trick, a scam, the luck of the draw. They cannot appreciate a thing as genuine or earnest because they feel like it is charity. It is hardly worth anything, because they decided in advance, before they got the feedback, that they are not worthy.

Both entitlement and unworthiness are the twin narratives that make divas bitter, encourage them to be ungenerous, and keep them stuck. Yes, men and women can be divas..bottom line: Don't be a Diva!

(thank you Seth Godin)