Thursday, January 1, 2015

The Non-New Year's Resolutions

I know it is that time of the year when EVERYBODY makes New Year’s resolutions about how to have a better year.  I have my own resolutions, but they are not about having a better year, but a better life in general.  Of course there are 10 of them… but I think if you can adapt them into your daily regime, you will see that the changes them make in your life will be more than extraordinary.

1. Get Rid of Toxic People
You know how Superman has his Kryptonite? Well, toxic people in your life are just like that.  Oh, and they may be people who are very close to you: your father, mother, girlfriend, boss, husband, etc.  If you really want to succeed and be happy in this life, you have to get rid of those who are poisoning you.  As I like to say, if you want to lift yourself up, see who is bringing you down, and get rid of them.  I know this may sound harsh and callous, but if you really want to get on with your life, you first need to go through a detox.

As a curative to this, Ben Glass has a solution, “You are the average of the five people you hang out with the most.” What this means is that you need to see who those people who are preventing you from being successful, or happy, or free, and move them out of your favorite five.

2. Keep Drama Out of Your Life
Very close to getting rid of toxic people in your life, you have to realize when you are being pulled into what is called double bind situations, or as I like to call it, drama.  A double bind is a situation where there is NO right answer, but whatever you answer is the wrong one, such as: Have you ever been caught stealing?  See? Yes means you are a thief that was caught, no means are a thief that has not been caught.

Drama usually comes from people who are not particularly interested in your well-being and are only focused on petty or trivial facts and events. They are usually emotionally stunted and insecure and tend to talk about “things that are happening to other people” or rehash events that cannot be resolved, and just want to suck the emotional good will out of you.  Think of drama feeders as emotional vampires.  They suck all the joy and happiness out of any meeting, and seem to keep you from getting where you want to be.

Drama in your life can ONLY exist if YOU decide to participate in it. So, if someone brings up some old hurt, or starts gossiping about someone, or starts spreading a rumor, just cut if off right then and there.  Do NOT participate, and you will be amazed how much more time you have and how less stressed you feel.

3. Realize you Cannot Control People, or Really Much of Anything
This might be the most important advice I can give: You cannot control what other people do, only how you react to it.  You really need to read that sentence again.  You cannot control anybody.  With that said, you really should not fret about anything you cannot control.

Worrying about things you cannot control is folly. Focus only on those few things you have any control over, and your life becomes much simpler.  It is amazing how much time, effort, and brain-power we expend trying to change things we have absolutely no control over.  What you need to do is figure out the few things you can control, and master them.

4. Go to the Gym Every Day
This is ALL about committing to actions, NOT goals.  Most people say I want to lose 10 or 15 or 20 pounds and then after the first week of going to the gym, they give up.  Instead, commit to go to the gym every day, and exercise every day, and cut out junk food every day.  And the weight will come off.

This also has to do with ANYTHING you do. Committing to a goal does not always bring action, yet committing to an action will invariably bring you to your goal.  So, whatever it is you want to do, be it becoming a singer, or entrepreneur, or chef, do the action every day, and your will eventually reach your goal.

5. Eat Well
Open your refrigerator and freezer.  How much packed or process food do you have in their?  How many boxes of food do you have in your cupboard? You should have none.  If you really want to live well, then eat well.  That means getting rid of processed foods (most anything that comes in a box), and eating more fruits, and vegetables and less sugars, dairy, and breads.  Eat more fish and chicken, and less red meats. This goes pretty much with committing to an action. 

Notice I said nothing about becoming a vegan or foregoing things you might like to eat every now and again. The trick to feeling better is eating better. If you can just get rid of processed food, your life will improve immeasurably.

6. Be giving, Especially to Other Givers
Adam Grant wrote an excellent book titled “Give and Take.”  What this book talks about is that there are three types of people: Givers, Takers and Matchers. In his book, he talks about the most and least successful type of people. The least successful are givers, the next, takers, the next matchers, and the most successful are givers. So, naturally, you ask: How can givers be the most and least successful?  Well, because there are two types of givers: Givers who give indiscriminately and those who give with a purpose.  The long and short, givers who give to other givers are successful.  So, be giving, but be judicious on your giving.

7. Be Happy to See Anyone and Everyone
Why do people love dogs?  Because they are ALWAYS glad to see you.  When you treat everybody you meet as an equal and give them your full attention and warmth, you will find that life becomes a very simple place. Do this not only with the people you know, but with new people you meet.

Sadly, most people believe that a person’s status in life equals their worth as a person, but it does not.  Most people are good, caring, kind and intelligent, and regardless of that status in life, have something to give and share.  To pigeonhole a person as a Democrat, or Janitor, or Conservative, or Muslim, or Hispanic is to do a disservice that you cannot imagine. 

Every person is unique, and valuable.  Why judge someone before you ever meet them?  Yes, most of the people you meet you will not bring into your circle, but if you eliminate any new or odd or different person, how will you never grow beyond your safe little circle.

8. Do Things You Never Thought You Would Do
So, closely aligned with being happy to meet people is having the ability to get out of your comfort zone. I firmly believe you need to go to where you do not know what you do not know. That is where you will find all your opportunities.  So, how do you do this?

First, go to a Meetup group that you think you would have absolutely no interest in going to; Meet that person who is asking for your help; help that non-profit you feel deserves some help; call that girl you thought you had no chance with.  Trust me, being rejected and feeling awkward is a small price to the upside of connecting with that unknown opportunity, or great connection, or perfect boyfriend you thought you would never find.

9. Be the Person You Want to Be With
Ok, yes we ALL want to be with someone, but it is amazing how often with sell ourselves short and settle with a less than desirable mate or partner. Oh love, what a foolish thing, but if you live by the creed that you will first be that person you want to be with, you will eventually attract the person whom you will be happy with.  Yes, this sounds like magic, but I truly believe that an open mind and heart usually lead you to those who have the same. And after all, what do we want more than to be with someone who loves and appreciates us?

10. Remember Everyone’s Birthday
This might be the simplest and easiest thing to do, but sending a Happy Birthday card or email will pay dividends way beyond anything you can imagine.  As Mark Twain once stated, The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why,” so at least recognize one of these days.

So, hopefully you will be able to apply a few of these to your life.  In doing so, I can guarantee that you will so a much more fulfilling and happy life. And, is that not what we are all striving for?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...


Thank you for the reminder of so many of lifes little steps that we often forget about! And adding a couple that I hadn't seen expressed like that before, as in going to the gym! I have a membership so I have no reason to not go if I do want to move forward Very good reading for all!

Profit Prophet said...

Thank you Anon for the kind words..and glad you found it helpful. Yes, committing to an action is the key here, and that action means going to the gym every day!!