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Showing posts from December, 2012

How to Install Husband 1.0

Ladies, every wonder why guys are so difficult? It is because of our Hardware, Firmware, and Software installation of Husband1.0. I hope you know understand why it is so difficult to do! Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and SPORTS 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed, Jane Frustrated Luddite _______________________________ Reply
Dear Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System (O…

Live a Life Worth Living

Included is a short (3 min) film narrated by Alan Watts titled "What if Money Were No Object."   It talks about how to live a life worth living. As the Dali Lama says..
“Man sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future, that he does not enjoy the present moment. As a result, he does not live in the present or the future, he lives as if he is never going to die, and then he dies having never truly lived.”

Why Teachers Drink

This Post has to do with actual responses to this year’s GED exams taken by 16 year-olds across the country. Only the best where listed here, but is so sad to think that in a few years these kids will be able to vote. Wow. Enjoy, and be very, very afraid… Q. Name the four seasons?
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
(mustard must be when the leaves turn yellow?)

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink?
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
(wow, covered all the bases with this one) Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a hou…

Hope and a Reindeer

I hope all finds you well during this holiday season and for Christmas. If you believe or not what happened all those years ago, the season is about hope, joy, good will and for a better world. These are now universal thoughts, that were birthed in a little town of Bethlehem. In that vein, and since everyday is Fryday, I would like to share another story of hope..about how Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer came to pass. We all have a little misery come into our lives now and the, it is what we do with it that counts. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas..

A man named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night. His 4-year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bob's wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer. Little Barbara couldn't understand why her mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up into her dad's eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody else's Mommy?" Bob's jaw tighte…

Philosophers' Philosophies on Marriage

“When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” ~David Bissonete 

“After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together..” ~Sacha Guitry 


“By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.” ~Socrates 


“The great question which I have not been able to answer is,‘What does a woman want?’” ~Dumas


“I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.” ~James Holt McGavra 


“There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.” ~Sam Kinison 


“I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.” ~Sigmund Freud 


“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” …

Only a Farm Kid...

This post goes to the heart of who I am… I went to school at a young age in what used to be the farmlands of Smokey Mountain Piedmont in Virginia about an hour’s drive west from D.C.. When out in the sticks, everything seems different…even our common language has totally different meanings…so when you speak, careful to know "where" you are...



A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your Dad home?"

"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."

"Well, is your Mother here?"

"No sir, she went to town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."

"Well,"…