Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Charities Explained

The next time you give...maybe these facts should influence you? 

The American Red Cross President and CEO Marsha J. Evans' salary for the year was $951,957 plus expenses.

The United Way President Brian Gallagher receives a $675,000 base salary along with numerous expense benefits.


UNICEF CEO Caryl M. Stern receives $1,900,000 per year (158K) per month, plus all expenses including a ROLLS ROYCE.


Less than 5 cents (4.4 cents) per donated dollar goes to the cause.

The Salvation Army's Commissioner Todd Bassett receives a salary of only $13,000 per year (plus housing) for managing this $2 billion dollar organization. 96 percent of donated dollars go to the cause.


The American Legion National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.

Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

The Veterans of Foreign Wars National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.

Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

The Disabled American Veterans National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.

Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

The Military Order of Purple Hearts National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.

Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

The Vietnam Veterans Association National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.

Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

No further comment is necessary.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

The Code Words Women Use

Yes, gentlemen...women have a language all of their own! Call it femanonics or estrogish or whatever (see) below, but just like the military, gangs, rap, and nerds, there are code words that are unique to woman, and you would be well served to learn what they mean now.

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they think they are right and you need to shut up.  This is the MOST frequent code word used, since you will always be wrong.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm, or the deep breathe before the plunge. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in 'fine' (see #1).

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about 'nothing'. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'.. That will bring on a 'whatever' (see #8)).

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying...Go to Hell...

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

(10) Never mind: Is a the atomic bomb of code words! It combines the 'whatever' with 'that's OK' with 'nothing'!  In small words, you are about to head into an Armageddon unlike you have ever experienced, and in the end you will end in 'fine'.

(11) You Know What Would be Nice? Actually, this is just code for: I wish you would change, or I really do not like you this way, or I am really not satisfied with anything you do.  Oh, and no matter what you do or say, you will never be able to get out of this endless do-loop of expectations.  There is only one response to this, and that is "Yes Dear!"

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The Debt Ceiling

Republicans don't understand THE DEBT CEILING.
Liberals don't understand THE DEBT CEILING.
Democrats don't understand THE DEBT CEILING.

Allow me to explain:

Let's say, you come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup in your neighborhood. Your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings.
What do you think you should do?

Raise the ceilings or pump out the crap?

YOUR CHOICE is coming in November.

Don't miss the opportunity.

Please pass on this easy solution to a very complex problem

Monday, April 9, 2012

Tax Man Cometh

Since tax season is just over the horizon and thought a humor post would could add a little levity concerning the IRS..if that is even possible? In any case, Enjoy...


At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the books, he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"

"Good question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.

But on he went, in his obnoxious way. “What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?" "Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they will send us a free bag of plaster...."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. "Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick...."

Friday, April 6, 2012

Research: Drinking is Just as Good As Yoga!

Researchers have found that drinking can give you much of the same benefits of yoga! Yes, this is hard to believe, but there is now physical pictorial evidence to show how this is so. Yoga terms and positions are affixed with typical drinking positions..for clarity, yoga terms are used.

Savasana

Position of total relaxation.



Balasana

Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.


Setu Bandha Sarvangasana

This position calms the brain and heals tired legs



Marjayasana
Position stimulates the midriff area and the spinal column.


Halasana

Excellent for back pain and insomnia.



Dolphin

Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms



Salambhasana

Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.


 

Ananda Balasana
This position is great for massaging the hip area.


 

Malasana
This position, for ankles and back muscles.