Saturday, November 27, 2010

New Retail Concept

RECENTLY a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes and cost as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands....

First floor: The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor: The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor: This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor so further up they went.

Fourth floor: This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on!" So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor: The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are bloody impossible to please. The exit is to your left; we hope you fall down the stairs."

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a “New Wives Store” just across the street with a six floor concept.

The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Have a nice day…

Thursday, November 25, 2010

We Give Thanks...

Yes, today is a day we set aside why we are thankful, and for that, I am glad…but much like Scrooge was transformed to live Christmas in his heart every day, I am thankful always. I will not go into why or how. I am glad that at least one day is set aside for others to acknowledge their gratitude, but thought I would pen why I give thanks everyday

I am thankful for nature, for it gives me beauty in unexpected ways and places

I am thankful for my enemies, for they keep me strong and honest

I am thankful for my faith, for it gives me light when I walk in the valley of darkness

I am thankful for music, for it stirs the soul and awakens the spirit

I am thankful for those who create, for they awaken a universe of possibilities and mimic the Creator

I am thankful for the kindness of strangers, for they remind me of our divinity within

I am thankful for great writers, for they share their wisdom throughout the ages

I am thankful for sorrow and pain, for it makes me appreciate joy and gladness more

I am thankful for freedom and liberty, for it allows us to enjoy the pursuit of happiness in our own way

I am thankful for great performers, for they go into the arena of criticism to demonstrate their talents

I am thankful for my parents, though the may be flawed, they are what brought me into this world

I am thankful for my intelligence, because it allows me to recognize all that I am blessed with

I am thankful for my health, for it is my foundation and allows me enjoy all my blessings unencumbered

But mostly, I am thankful for you…

For you give me strength when I am weak

You give me support when I stumble

You lend me a hand when I fall

You give me encouragement to make a difference

You give me a reason to contribute to something bigger than myself

You push me to invent, to create, to dream

You are the glue that assembles all my disassembled parts

You add to me in so many unseen and intangible ways

You give me the wings to fly when I jump off the cliff and,

The soft landing in the net when I land

But mostly you give me the love of friendship…and that alone sustains my soul and spirit through any adversity.

It nourishes the psyche and feeds the enlightened mind

I only hope you always realize this…You are my gift and for that I am always Thankful..

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Hanging Baskets (humor)

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a see-through blouse on and no bra.

Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!

The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!" and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.

The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate...

The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

Happy Gardening.