Monday, May 3, 2010

Dilbert Lives (humor)

Dear Friends; yes it is true. I have my PC back and incredibly, I can reconstitute (slowly) my emails! Thanks Fred Walser at Computer Geeks! OK, with the frustration I was feeling it is appropriate that my Fryday humor post should involve a homage to the recent testimonies of our brightest financial executives from our great corporations, As such, I thought it would be appropriate to forward a list of the 10 best submissions that Scott Adams (the creator of Dilbert) received over the past year of just really, really stupid things for this Fryday’s posting. It is true, large companies are made up of some really smart people, but when enough people start making stupid statements and implementing really dumb ideas not really thinking about them, well, now you understand why big corporations start to get into real trouble! Enjoy, and thanks to all who sent me emails of condolences, encouragement, advice, and “I told you so (to get a MAC)!”

'As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.'

(Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

'What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.'

(Lykes Lines Shipping)

'E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.'
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

'This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.'

(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

'Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule .'

(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

'No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.'

(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: 'Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.'

(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, 'That would be better for me.'

(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

'We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.'

(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)